My World View

Hello My Name is Jamie- Part 5

2009-04-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long delay in this last post…life has been FULL! I want to wrap up this series on my 12 Steps journey by sharing the blessings that have come as a result of surrendering my life and will to my Redeemer(I am skipping ahead to the end).

JOY…real joy! I have always been known to my friends and family as a happy person, but my happiness was contingent upon the circumstances of my life. As long as life fit into my little box of perfection and people treated me like I “needed” them to treat me, my joy remained intact. I now know that my joy comes from the Lord. My happiness is no longer tied to people who are going to disappoint me (surprise, they’re human too) or to all of the “stuff” that will happen in life. My joy is my salvation, in the One who paid my ransom!

Peace. I can’t help but think of the old song we used to sing at church camp, “I’ve got peace like a river in my soul.”! Those words have REAL meaning for me now. Think about a river. Its path is tumultuous; full of twists and turns, bounding over rocks and through all types of obstacles. A river is constant. It never stops flowing, even against the largest barriers, it finds a way to press through (I’m reminded of the mighty Mississippi). That’s the way that genuine peace manifests itself in my life. God has promised that life is going to have trials alongside of the victories. I know that like a river, I will come across my share of twists and turns, and will face seemingly impossible circumstances. In the past, my river of peace was more like a little stream that is stopped by the first boulder that comes in its way. I always thought that peace was a feeling, something that was attached to everything in my life being “just right”. John 16:33 says, “I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." I am able to be DEEPLY at peace, because my faith rests in the One who already knows the end of the story. I know that He has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. So, as the river of life meets obstacles and challenges, I will keep rolling on, resting in the fact that hardships bring even more peace.

A “Get-To” Life. About 3 months into my 12 Step Journey, I realized that I was caught up in a “have-to” way of living. I had to respect my husband. I had to make good food choices. I had to wipe my son’s bottom for the 1000th time. I had to serve others. I had to love others. I had to read my Bible. And the list goes on and on. Somewhere along the road, I had settled into doing things because that was what was expected of me, out of obligation if you will. It was an endless cycle that caused bitterness and a sense of a discontented life. When God opened my eyes to this, I realized that I was living a life void of good fruit. Doing things out of obligation or because I thought that’s what people expected of me, rather than obedience to the Lord, had me trapped in an unfulfilling life. I was like a hamster on a wheel, never getting anywhere because the motivations of my heart were all wrong! When I allowed the Holy Spirit to take full force in my life, I was free to live a get-to life. Now, all of the things that I felt like I had to do in the past, have become and honor and privilege! I don’t feel like the little hamster on the wheel anymore. Instead, my life has purpose and meaning because of all of the things that I get to do!

Restored Relationships. This is the culmination of it all for me. Since I have real joy, unshakeable peace, and live with a get-to attitude, I have been able to experience real, life-changing relationships for the first time in my life! Before I began this journey, I endured people with a wall of bricks that surrounded my heart because of my fear of abandonment and rejection. I had so much bitterness and resentment taking residency in my heart! All of that bitterness kept anyone from being able to meet my expectations of someone that I could trust or ever love. After I completed my inventory and was able to give and receive forgiveness, that fortress of “protection” I had built to guard myself(which by the way was a castle of lies)came tumbling down. Grace and mercy were the remedy that my ailing heart was in need of. Once I was able to accept God’s gift of forgiveness, I was able to see everyone through the lens of God’s grace for me. I began living in an active state of forgiveness. There is NOTHING that anyone can do that will be a deal breaker because you see, my joy and peace are not tied to the circumstances of this life. And so, the tapestry of this journey continues to be woven.

Last week, I was able to celebrate the completion of this amazing journey called the 12 Steps. I, along with my amazing step-sisters, received our chip for finishing the hard work and to celebrate our recovery in Christ! It was an amazing night of worship and was chock-full of emotions. I was blown away by the friends who came to support me. A group of women who now know the real me, warts and all, and can fully love Jamie Lurain Mullins. As amazing as the night was, what happened earlier in the day is what confirmed my healing and restoration in Jesus Christ. My dad found out last week through a strange set of circumstances that he had 6 blockages in his heart. Praise God that we found out before he had a massive heart attack. My whole life, I allowed my dad to be the main source of my bitterness and resentment. There was a mountain of hurt, starting early in my childhood, that came at the hands of a man I had could not even call “dad”. I blamed him for the way that I reacted to life, for my lack of trust in God and men, for my lack of responsibility with money…you name it, I could find a way to blame my dad for it. Last Friday was the first time that I sat in a room alone with my father in almost 6 years. A miracle had occurred! I walked away from the hospital feeling strange and a bit shaken. I realized that all of my bitterness towards him was gone…I had REALLY forgiven my dad for every hurt he had ever caused. And what’s better than that is, I’m not waiting for the ball to drop with him. In living in an active state of forgiveness, I am free to love my dad(and everyone for that matter) with NO EXPECTATIONS!!!

I would love to say that I am totally free of codependency, but I can’t. This 12 step journey is just that, I don’t know that I will arrive at my destination until I am face to face with our Maker. I am still working on creating new default settings for my new way of life. But what I can say is that I feel like I am awake for the first time in my life. I am so thankful that the Lord used CR to heal the wounds that were deep in my soul. I am proud of the scars that I bear and know that God is using them for His glory! I would love to share more about this journey, about making my amends, the process of discovering my character defects, and the relationships formed within the walls of CR with anyone who wants to listen. If you want to chat now or in the future, please don’t hesitate to ask. Since I have received the unexplainable gift of FREEDOM in Christ, I want to give it away to anyone who wants to accept it!

Hello My Name is Jamie- Part 4

2009-03-25T13:49:00.000-07:00

The day that I made the decision to sit down and begin my moral inventory, will forever be etched into my heart. It was a cold and dreary winter day, much like the state of my spirit. In all honesty, I was DREADING the task at hand. Who in their right mind would want to make an account of every painful memory from the past as well as every sin committed against others?!?!

As I sat down at a Starbucks with my favorite flavored coffee beverage in hand, I began praying Psalm 129:23, “Examine me, O God, and know my mind; test me, and discover…if there is any evil in me and guide me in the everlasting way.” I knew that there was pain from my childhood buried so deep that only He would have the power to bring to the surfaces. For so long, I had masked and/or stuffed the wounds in my life, rather than allowing Him to heal them. Within minutes of my prayer, the memories came pouring down like the rain I could hear outside. Just a little side-note, if you ever decide to take a painful journey down memory lane, don’t do it in a Starbucks! As I began to journal all of the painful memories of my past, I could not control the tears and the sobbing that came as a result of the emotions that had been locked away for years. Not quite sure what the people around me thought, but at that moment, I didn’t really care.

Celebrate Recovery has an amazing model for making a thorough moral inventory in order to get to the root of a person’s hurts, habits, and hang-ups. With each entry to my inventory, I listed the person that was the object of my resentment or fear, the specific action that person took that hurt me, the effect that the action had on my life, the damage the action did to my basic instincts, and then my part in the resentment if any. Words can’t express the cleansing that came with writing out everything that had been buried for so long. The saying, “you’re only as sick as your secrets” is not just a saying. I was physically carrying the baggage of my past, and it wasn’t my burden to carry. As I journaled, I felt release from each event from my past. I prayed over every hurt and resentment and released them to the Lord. Ephesians 4:31 says, “get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” The biggest miracle that occurred while doing part one of my inventory was my desire to rid myself of bitterness and anger; I realized how much unforgiveness was taking residency in my heart. In turn, I was able to extend forgiveness to those who had hurt me which lifted the burden even more.

The second part of the inventory is your spiritual or moral inventory. This is the list of all of the people that you have hurt and a detailed explanation of how you hurt them, including yourself. This list wasn’t as hard for me. For years, I believed the lie that I should feel shame and guilt over my past sins, so when asked what they were, I was able to spew out the list in an instant. I had hurt those I love with lies, a lack of integrity, gossip and disrespect, just to name a few. I hurt myself by not guarding my mind from unhealthy things and by mistreating my body with food, obsessive exercise, alcohol, and sex. Making an account of all that I had done wrong sent me spiraling into a dark place. I was so far from being able to accept God’s forgiveness because of the pride in my heart.

I was so ready to be done with my inventory. I had gone to the hard places, faced my past hurts, owned up to my sins, and now the hardest part of all was going to happen. Not only did I have to openly examine and confess my faults to myself and God, but also to someone else. That someone else just happened to be my mentor and sponsor M, whose opinion I value HIGHLY!! We were to meet a local bakery for breakfast, and I was going to share ALL of my inventory with her. I can still feel the pit in my stomach as the fear of sharing all of me came rushing in. Until recently, I didn’t understand the concept of being fully known and fully loved. After all, up until this point NO ONE knew all of me! For so long, I lived life offering what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I was so afraid that if people knew my real story, they’d be running for the hills! I didn’t sleep a wink the night before M and I met. I was a nervous wreck, wringing my hands at the table as I awaited her arrival. When she got there, she prayed over our time together, and before we started we ate just enough to keep my stomach from being quite so queasy. As fate would have it, this too was a rainy morning, and again the tears would fall just like the drizzle outside. I wept as I shared each entry of my inventory, and I was just waiting for a look of disappointment or rejection from the other end of the table. Funny thing is, the only look exchanged was one of unconditional love and mercy. After hearing about all of my mess-ups, utter defeats, childhood pain, and unhealthy living, M didn’t miss a beat with her love for me. I was completely blown away by the woman whom I admired and loved so much. Every bit of my fear of rejection was gone. What’s even better is that in the days that followed, I was finally able to accept God’s grace and mercy for me. I started meditating on the Truth and allowing His forgiveness to invade my life.

There were so many other positive things that came from sharing my inventory. I was able to connect the dots in my life from a bird’s eye perspective. I was able to see how the things that happened when I was a child contributed to my codependent behaviors. I realized that I was taking the blame for too many other people in my life. Most importantly, it allowed me to see the character defects that I needed to be rid of in order to continue the healing process. But first, it was time to make amends for the harm I had done to others…boy, this should be FUN!!

STORY TO BE CONTINUED

Hello My Name is Jamie- Part 3

2009-03-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

About two months into my recovery journey, I really started to feel like I was becoming a new person. I was feeling free of the chains of anxiety, and was learning what it meant to live in a minute by minute state of surrender to the Lord. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking of you and watching everything that concerns you.” Since my maker and redeemer was watching over everything that concerned me, I felt free to live my life, something I had not done before, EVER.

Prior to my time in Celebrate Recovery, I spent countless hours trying to “fix” all of the people I cared about most. The main target of my so-called affections was my husband Blake. I put a ridiculous amount of effort into trying to change him into the man that I so desperately needed him to be. All of my attempts to nudge him in the right direction were fruitless. I grew to resent the man I shared a home with and stopped showing him the respect and love that he deserved. What I didn’t realize was not only was I missing the huge block in my eye while I was pointing out the speck in Blake’s, I was also standing in the way of the only One who could ever change my man’s heart. It breaks my heart now to know all of the pain that could’ve been avoided if I would have stepped out of the way and allowed the Lord to have His way in my marriage.

Something miraculous happened after I was able surrender control of my life to the Lord. When I finally realized that I was the only person that I had control over, I began to let go of any need to “fix” those around me. This is still a daily battle for me, but one that is so worth the fight. God had shown me that the only way that I could really help those I deeply cared about was to be an intercessor for them. The kicker is that in order to be an intercessor for anyone, I had to be free of the sin that so easily entangles me. So while I worked on my character defects, I started a process to release the people that I love to the Lord. I place them at the feet of the Lord anytime that I feel my need to control kick in. When I started this process with Blake, I realized that the bitterness and resentment I had come to be comfortable with, started to fade from sight. I started to see him thru the lens of God’s grace, covered in the blood of Christ. Do you know what happened just a short month after I let go of my need to control my husband? When I finally stepped out of the way, God was able to step in. The Lord has done an amazing work in Blake’s life! Our marriage is better than ever. Don’t get me wrong, we still have our little tiffs now and then, but I feel more in love with Blake than the day I married him. Since I have relinquished control, I am free to love him with NO expectations!

Recovery was really becoming enjoyable, even though I was warned that hard times were ahead. My 12 step group was completing Step 3 and moving into the step that has been known to make or break a person’s recovery. I had heard countless stories of people who quit on their recovery because Step 4 was just too painful. I had resolved that I had not come this far to give up now. I was willing to go the distance, no matter the pain. It was time to get to the root of my issues and Step 4 was going to do just that.

Step 4: We made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves. “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.”(Lamentations 3:40) So what exactly does a searching and fearless inventory entail? A moral inventory is a list of ALL of the significant events in your life. It was time for me to take an honest look at my past in order to move forward in my recovery. My sponsor and mentor, M, informed me that it was imperative that I hand write all of the major events in my life that caused significant hurt as well as ALL of the offenses that I committed against others. When I was finished, we would sit down together and I would share this list with her. The weeks of the hard, honest look at my life that followed were some of the most tear-filled, heart wrenching moments I will ever experience. The pages of my inventory notebook are stained with tears. But good things were yet to come in Step 4. Facing my demons would bring peace and joy to my soul that I had never experienced.

Story To Be Continued

Hello my Name is Jamie- Part 2

2009-03-09T14:59:00.001-07:00

I hesitantly signed up to attend a 12 Step Recovery Study with a group of women I had never met. Unfortunately, I had pre-judged Celebrate Recovery and the type of people who attended it. I assumed(never a good thing to do) that I was above the issues that required “recovery”. God used the first night with my step-sisters as the first chain in the link of breaking down my pride. I sat in a room of women who were able to verbalize all of things that I was feeling but didn’t know how to express. The Lord had lead me to a group of amazing, strong women who knew exactly where I was at, and loved me just the same.

I wept in my car as I drove away from our first meeting because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had FINALLY found the place that would strip me of my character defects and draw me closer to the Lord. Until this point, I had lived my life in a cycle of insanity. Insanity has been defined as “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time.” Sanity has been defined as “wholeness of mind; making decisions based on the truth.” Colossians 1:27says, “And this is the secret: that Christ in your hearts is your only hope of glory.” That is where the road of insanity stopped. I realized that I was completely powerless to overcome my hurts, habits and hang-ups on my own. I had to turn to my Higher Power, Jesus Christ in order to be rid of the chains that held me in bondage for years.

Week 2 in my 12 Step group brought the first of many powerful breakthroughs in my recovery. Principle 1 of the program is: “Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong this and that my life in unmanageable.” As a raging codependent, I lived in a constant state of worry and anxiety. I lived life in every moment but the present. Anxiety ruled my thought life because I would play out every scenario that could affect myself, my family, or my friends. I worried about what people thought of my appearance or behavior. I worried about possible harm that could befall my children. I worried about Blake leaving me. You name it, I worried about it. All of that worry boiled down to one common denominator: FEAR of losing control. Lesson 2 taught me that there are VERY few things in this life that I actually have control over. I realized that I was trying to play God in my life. Matthew 6:24 says, “No one can serve two masters; he will hate one and love the other.” I was serving myself by trying to control every part of my life which left God no room to work.
Lesson 2 also offered an incredible acrostic that presented all of the “serenity robbers” that I was allowing to control me.
“Pride- Ignorance+power+pride=a deadly mixture
“Pride ends in a fall, while humility brings honor.” Proverbs 29:23
Only ifs- our “only ifs” in life keep us trapped in the fantasyland of rationalization!
“Whatever is covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. So then, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in broad daylight.” Luke 12:2-3
Worry- Worrying is a form of not trusting God enough!
“So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” Matthew 6:34
Escape- By living in denial we may have escaped into a world of fantasy and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others.
“For light is capable of showing up everything for what it really is. It is even possible for light to turn the thing it shines upon into light also.” Ephesians 5:13-14
Resentments- Resentments act like an emotional cancer if they are allowed to fester and grow.
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27
Loneliness- Loneliness is a choice. In recovery and in Christ, you never have to walk alone.
“Continue to love each other with true brotherly love.” Hebrews 13:1
Emptiness- You know that empty feeling deep inside. The cold wind of hopelessness blows right through it.
Jesus said, “My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” John 10:10
Selfishness- We often pray: “Our Father which art in Heaven; give me, give me, give me.”
“Whoever clings to his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life shall save it.” Luke 17:33
Separation- Some people talk about finding God-as if He could ever get lost!
“For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God.” Romans 8:38”

I left small group after Lesson 2 with tears streaming down my face. The realization of how powerless I was to control my life was utterly devastating. As I sobbed, I could hear the Lord pleading with me to surrender control to Him. It was His all along, I just needed to submit myself to His authority and power. On the way home, I admitted my powerlessness to the Lord and agreed with Him about the sin in my life. I handed Him the keys to my life and made the decision to daily release the worry that had consumed me. In the weeks that followed, my anxiety faded away because I was able to trust that God could do for me what I could not do for myself. Wow, I began to feel like I had it all together. This recovery deal won’t be so tough after all. WRONG! The dreaded Step 4 was just around the corner and I was about to face demons that had been buried in the depths of my soul.

Hello my Name is Jamie

2009-03-05T14:38:00.001-08:00

This post is the first in a series of 5. I want to share the journey of my heart from this past year of LIVING!! My prayer is that the Lord will speak thru my story and the change that has taken place in my mind, body, and soul.

Hello my name is Jamie, and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles and has victories with codependency. About a year ago, I hit rock bottom emotionally. My marriage, friendships, and faith were all under fire and I realized that I was completely powerless to control all of the things that were most important in my life.
Thankfully, God had placed someone in my life that knew exactly where I was at, She had walked the same road ahead of me and was willing to help me out of the pit of despair I had “fallen” into. The first time I called my friend, M, to tell her about my need for a mentor, I shared all of the “issues” that were consuming my mind and thoughts. These issues ranged from a husband who didn’t love me the way I felt he should, family members who caused childhood pain, self-pity, self-doubt, a deep desire to please everyone around me, and at the top of the list, a constant sense of anxiety and worry that I could not escape. M informed me that there was a term for the struggles I shared with her. CODEPENDENCY…what?? I’m sure that’s not me. That sounded like some psycho-babble term for people who were much worse off than me. And then M gave me a simple definition of a codependent. She explained that a codependent is someone whose happiness, joy, and peace are controlled by the circumstances of life. Cue a blow to the heart. She had just wrapped up my way of living into one simple statement.
After identifying that I was more than likely struggling with something that had a name, I decided to do some more research on codependency. I found more info than I wanted, but was able to put words to the things that were happening in my heart. One website gave specific patterns of codependency. I’ll share just a few that described me to a tee.
Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.

So, what M had said was true. I realized that every area of struggle in my life all pointed back to codependency. I needed everything and everyone in my life to fit into the box of what I could control (including God), and if they didn’t, I would begin a downward spiral towards depression and anxiety. But, stepping out of denial was only the first step…where was I supposed to go from here?
M and I began meeting on a weekly basis to talk about my week. She would share scripture and ask key questions, and she would always pray over me. About 3 weeks into our weekly meetings, she started talking to me about the Celebrate Recovery 12 Step Program and what it had done in her life. Celebrate Recovery?? Are you serious?? I thought that CR was for “those people”! Boy, was I in for the surprise of my life.

STORY To be Continued

Four Years of FUN with Tyler!!

2009-03-03T13:39:00.001-08:00

My baby bear is not a baby anymore. It's hard to believe that we just finished celebrating Tyler's 4th year of life. What a BLESSING my loveable little guy is!! This year has been bursting with wonderful new memories with Tyler. The terrible twos and trying threes are long gone and the fun fours are making their debut at the Mullins' house!

One of my favorite attributes that Tyler is really developing this year is the gift of encouragement. He is so good at encouraging confidence in his friends and speaking words of life to everyone around him. Tyler's teacher sings his praises every week. She loves the fact that Tyler has so much joy about everything in life. My little guy has been through a lot this past year, so to see the joy that exudes from his sweet heart is priceless to me!

Blake and I are praying that Tyler's joy would never be stolen and that God would protect his heart, soul and mind. Tyler's middle name is Evan which means God is good. I have come to realize that God is good all the time in Tyler's life, even though the circumstances that he faces may not make sense. I am learning to trust His goodness in Tyler's life and that all things will work together for His good and to bring glory to His name through Tyler. I have faith that God has a plan to prosper Tyler and not to harm him and that He will direct our paths in parenting my baby bear.

Happy Birthday Tyler. You are a prize far greater than I could have ever imagined. God had used your sweet life to shine light in the dark places and I know that He has mighty things in store for you as you walk this journey called life! I LOVE YOU PRECIOUS BOY with all of my heart!

Katy Bug is One-derful!!

2009-03-03T13:08:00.000-08:00

sidenote: this post is more than a month late...better late than never though, right?

My sweet Katy Bug is 1! How has the time slipped away so quickly? It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing her home from the hospital and now she is starting to walk and beginning to develop her sweet and sassy personality. These past few months we have begun to see glimpses of who Katy Elizabeth will be.

While Katy was still waiting to make her entrance into the world I began praying the meaning of her name over her little life. Katy means pure; virginal, and Elizabeth means consecrated to God. I love that I can already see the pure spirit in my baby girl. She genuinely loves life(unless she needs food) and her untainted eyes light up any room that she is in. One thing that you can always count on with Katy is that she is tenacious in her unwavering will. I should have seen the warning signs when she decided that she knew the best way to make her entrance to the world...BREECH!! I am sure that life will never be dull with my strong-willed girl, and I feel 100% equipped for the high calling to raise her with patience and humility.

Sweet Katy Bug, your daddy and I love you more than words can express. You keep us laughing and bring so much joy to our lives. I am so excited to see what the Lord has for you in this second year of life. I am praying His richest blessings over you and that He would continue to give me the wisdom and strength to raise you up to be pure and completely consecrated to Him!! You were fearfully and wonderfully made and I feel humbled to be the mommy that God chose to entrust you to!

Life and My Lack of Blogging!

2009-01-21T07:36:00.000-08:00

My blog has been completely neglected for the last month, but it's not due to a lack of inspiration or great life moments to record. Life has been wonderfully FULL this past month which has left me with little time to write. But, I am ok with that because instead my days have been filled with: a job that I am passionate about and so fulfilled in, a husband that I am falling in love with all over again, two beautiful children who bring so much joy to my heart, friends who accept me and love me right where I am, restored relationships in my family, and so much more!

So, bear with me in this season of LIFE, and I promise to have posts 'o plenty coming soon, including Katy's 1st Birthday!

I Ran the Rock...well half of it anyways!

2008-12-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

Philippians 3:13-14 "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."

Sunday, December 14th, will be treasured in my heart as one of the most amazing days of my life! Yesterday marked the 10th anniversary of when Blake ran the White Rock marathon and my very first half-marathon. The months of training leading up to the race have been filled with hours upon hours of running, one foot in front of the other, through shin splints, blisters, bad attitudes, muscle cramps, and pot holes. More than that it was filled with: treasured time with amazing friends(especially my 10 mile turkey trot with Andi and Jerri), incredible time connecting to God through worship and prayer, writing His Word on my heart, a few great dates with my i-pod, and a deep longing to push myself farther than my mind believed I could go. I am so thankful that the Lord has used running to invade my heart and the depths of my soul and light them afire for Him!

Race weekend was chock full of emotions for me and the first of many that I experienced was doubt. Saturday my stomach was in knots all day and I began to wonder if I had trained well enough for the race, if I was really cut out to run in the White Rock with such an elite group of runners. I went to bed with self-doubt, an old friend, ruling my thoughts. As I fell asleep, I was reminded of the words of 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." The Lord reminded me that with His power and the self-discipline that carried me through my training runs, that I was already more than a conqueror in the White Rock marathon. That didn't keep me from waking up every hour on the hour worried about waking up on time, however. At 5:45, my cell phone alarm clock finally went off alerting me of the short amount of time I had to stretch, eat breakfast, and make a quick Starbuck's trip on the way to the American Airline Center. Blake(my cheerleader for the race) and I arrived in just enough time to make a quick(10 minute line)stop at the portapotties for my pre-run potty break and to hear the national anthem. I jumped into the starting line as the gun sounded and we were off. It was at this point that I felt exilhiration at it's best. The adrenaline pumping, the 17,000 runners that were alongside of me, and the Rocky themesong playing in the background, all made for one of the most enlivening moments I can think of. Oh, I forgot to mention the wind. And I'm not talking about a light breeze. I'm talking about 20 mph winds with gusts up to 40 mph. But even the wind was not going to affect my determination in this race. Within the first 2 miles, I spotted my pace group and kept the yellow balloons in sight. Just after mile 6, I spotted my sweet husband with my Advocare Excel Gel and the most proud expression on his face. That is a picture I will treasure forever. Blake ran over to mile 9 to catch me one more time before the finish line. When I hit mile 11, I knew there was no stopping me. I felt rub burns in places I didn't know existed and a cramp in my heel that I hadn't felt before, but no amount of pain was keeping me from the finish line! As I reached the final quarter-mile stretch, there were people everywhere, cheering for their loved ones. And in the midst of the applause I could hear the Voice that gave me the strength to make it through the race rooting me on, saying, "well done, good and faithful servant"(Matthew 25:23). I could not hold back the tears. The raw emotions were flooding my heart and I could not contain the well any longer. I reminisced on the journey of my heart and my body and felt so much joy and thankfulness. Just before I crossed the finish line, I saw my hubby one more time, with that look of pride again, because he too understands the journey I have been on with the Lord. When I first made the decision to train for a half, I determined that I could and would finish in 2 hours and 30 minutes. I looked up at the clock as I stepped over the finish line: 2:22:18. No record to someone in the running world, but a huge accomplishment for me. I had completed my goal and I was ecstatic.

I pray that there will be many half-marathons in my future, but this one will forever be in a different category! What a day. God is good all the time and His grace is sufficient for even me!! So, there you have it, I did it!! I ran the Rock, or half of it anyways! :)

Inspired

2008-12-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

I was very inspired by a post that my friend Emily recently wrote. Emily and her husband are not "present people". They don't go crazy every year worrying about buying the right gifts for everyone who could have "possibly" bought a gift for them. I am the polar opposite of that. I LOVE buying gifts for people. I am a recovering shopoholic, so the majority of my spending pleasure now comes around the holidays and is centered around the adventure of finding the perfect gifts for all 32 people on our list...yes 32 people!! I am also the person who LOVES receiving gifts. I spend the 25 days leading to Christmas dogearring catalogs and letting everyone know what my Wish List consists of. After all, if you don't tell people what you want, how can you expect to get it, right?!?!

Well, this Christmas, Blake and I want to start a new trend in our family, one that is not centered around presents. So, as I read Emily's blog I was reminded of our goal. The part of Emily's post that both inspired and convicted me was this: "It’s funny that Christians do Christmas just like the rest of America…shouldn’t that be like the ONE holiday where we look different than everyone else? And not just by adding a Christmas Eve service to the mass chaos this season has turned into?"

This year, rather than focusing on giving presents to the 32 people on our list, we are going to focus instead on showing those 32 people the Presence of the Christmas season, and point them to the best gift we could ever give, Jesus. We, like so many families from Cross Timbers are also learning more about this whole Advent Conspiracy concept in order to make Christmas 2008 what it was meant to be for our family! One tradition that I want to begin this year is one that started in my house growing up. Every year, my mom would set a small, empty basket beside the tree. Beside that basket was another basket that was filled with hay. The empty basket was for baby Jesus, and every time myself, Evan or Jessica would perform a random act of kindness, we put straw in Jesus' basket. The purpose was to give baby Jesus a soft place to sleep on Christmas. One of the first things I would run to see at 5 am(yes we were early risers) on Christmas morning was baby Jesus lying in his manger. It kept the focus on the Presence instead of the presents, and I want to do the same for my children.

What new or old traditions are part of your family Christmas? Any that you want to stop or new ones to incorporate into the holiday season?

I'm Going to be on Style Network!!

2008-11-21T12:33:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I received an e-mail from my awesome(and pregnant)sister-in-law titled Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!! Just the title of the e-mail brought back some great memories from their wedding. Everything about their wedding was PERFECT, because it was all about them. There was NOTHING traditional except the beautiful dresses and flowers. Even the food served at the reception shouted, "this is Evan and Angie's wedding!!". I was even able to be part of the personalized day. You see, instead of a traditional processional of the bridesmaids and groomsmen, Angie wanted something unique that reflected who they are. Evan, being a Texas country boy at heart had his groomsmen pulled in by a tractor to "Just the Good 'Ol Boys". It was so fun for the guys and got a big laugh by all in attendance. Angie, being the totally 80's girl that she is, had us girls dance up the aisle to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun". That's right, I said dance, not walk. We each had a partner and had to choreograph a dance for our walk up the aisle. I must admit, it was the most fun processional I've ever been a part of.

Ok, on to what Angie's e-mail was about. Actually, I'll just let you read for yourself. Here is what she had to say:
To all of my beautiful girls: Do you remember when I asked you to dance down the aisle at my wedding and you all thought I was crazy......well, you can thank me now because you might just get a moment of FAME.

The style Network in Hollywood, CA hunted me down last night through e-mails and phone calls because they want to feature you girls dancing up the aisle on their show INSTYLES: Most Outrageous Weddings. Now I have signed over all permissions, so they can edit it all they want, and I don't know if they will cut parts or put little bubbles over your heads that say "We're CRAZY" or something. SO early apologies if they do that. Anyway, I don't even get to be in it..because you girls were way cooler :( Oh well, I am excited! SO the show is airing on December 13th at 9 pm (eastern I think). Plan to watch and see if you get your moment of fame as the whole world watches your dancing skills!!!!!!!!!! This is going to be FUN!!!!!!!!! AFTER ALL, GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!Love yall!

So, there you have it!! Can't wait to see what they do with the video. Should be very entertaining at the least!

The Music is Gonna Get You!

2008-11-17T10:55:00.000-08:00

Music is such a huge part of my life. My mom has always said that I started singing before I was talking. God speaks to me through music. Music relaxes me. Music connects me to so many emotions. MUSIC MOTIVATES ME!!

When I go out for a long run, I get my running mix set on my ipod. I have a wide variety of artists and songs in my special mix but the common denominator is that every single one motivates me for one reason or another.

A few songs from my running mix that never fail to keep my feet moving:
1. Sexy Back- Justin Timberlake
2. Break Away- Kelly Clarkson
3. Vultures- John Mayer
4. Hero- Foo Fighters
5. Marvelous Light
6. Voice of Truth- Casting Crowns
7. Meant to Live- Switchfoot
8. I Need a Hero- Frou Frou
9. Belief- John Mayer

What songs motivate you? I am so thankful for the gift of music! It's such a beautiful way for people to express themselves and to make an imprint on the world around them!

More posts to come on the amazing journey the Lord is leading me through later this week! :)

A Belated Trick or Treat

2008-11-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of pictures of our sweet kiddoes from Halloween. Tyler was a race car driver(surprise, surprise!) and Katy was a Cabbage Patch Kid. Tyler drove the two of them around the neighborhood to go trick-or-treating in his 4x4 truck. Katy absolutely LOVED her wig and we had several people do a double take because they thought she was a real doll. It was a great night and the kids had so much fun together!

Union-A Whole New Meaning

2008-11-11T10:36:00.000-08:00

union(noun): the growing together of severed parts b: a unified condition

One of the biggest victories that Blake and I have experienced during our time at Celebrate Recovery is feeling like we are growing together in Christ. For so long, we were like severed parts, striving to live for Him, but allowing our hurts and hang-ups to hold us back from the freedom He had for us. We are living in a unified condition now with Christ as the head of our home and hearts.

As we were making the path towards becoming unified, we were able to submit to whatever God would have for our family. We also began praying that He would provide a new work opportunity for Blake, one that would allow him to walk out his faith without persecution. God answered that prayer just a few weeks later. He sent a man into our lives that was also praying for us though he had never met us. This man has been able to speak words of life and affirmation into Blake and also speak the truth in love in a way that no one has before. He sees the journey God has us on and is so excited to a part of it. About a month after we met Mr. Lightner, he extended a job offer to Blake, one that we knew was from the Lord. After much prayer and confirmation after confirmation, we decided to accept the offer. We knew that we would be walking in disobedience if we didn't.

So are you ready for where God is sending us?? UNION, Kentucky. God is so good and His ways are better than ours. It almost humored me, that in the midst of a season in life that we are striving to be a strong union in Him, that He would send us to that very place.

We are eager with expectation for all that God has for our family in Kentucky. Although we are sad to leave Texas, the overwhelming peace about the move far outweighs any sadness. Please be praying for us as we make the transition from a place that has always been home to a new home that we feel is where God wants us to grow some deep roots. Be praying that God will continue to grow together the severed parts in our hearts and unify us with Him.

Bitter vs. Better

2008-11-10T13:25:00.000-08:00

One Harsh Word. One Argument. One Death. One Injustice. One Accusation. ONE HURT. Now the question is, will we become bitter or better?

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

Over the next couple of weeks, I want to catch you all up to speed on the wonderful whirlwind that my life has been for the last few months. I want to share how God is changing my story and our family, and I want to start with how it all began. About 3 months ago, Blake and I started attending Celebrate Recovery at our church to allow God to heal our hurts and hangups. Very early in the process, the Lord began speaking to me about stepping out of my denial and into a life of freedom in Him.

One of the biggest areas in my life that I needed to be freed from was bitterness and unforgiveness. For years, I carried weight from my childhood, from past relationships, from unexplained deaths, from hurts caused by my husband, disappointments, and the list goes on and on! Funny thing is, all of that baggage I was carrying around didn't affect anyone but ME! I had become a slave to the bitterness in my heart. God showed me that all of the hurts in my life can have one of two effects on my heart and relationship with Him. They can make me bitter or they can make me BETTER! There is only one letter that sets those two words apart...I! When I choose to dwell on how any hurt affects me, I am going to end up in the pit of bitterness. The definition for bitter is hard to bear; grievous; distressful. But the truth of 2 Corinthians sets me free from any hurt that seems too hard to bear. And what's most encouraging to me is that those hurts create "a glory that far outweighs them and lasts forever"!

How do you allow hurts to affect you? Do you choose to become bitter or better because of them? We are MORE than conquerors in Christ and have the ability to live in the freedom of abundant life. I feel so FREE, now that the chains of bitterness are not weighing me down anymore. I CHOOSE TO BE BETTER!

I Heart Fall

2008-10-09T03:54:00.000-07:00

Cool breezes, crisp apples, the urge to bake bread, the smell of pumpkin pie, fun sweaters, wonderful candles, costumes, Sunday football with a pot of chilli cooking in the kitchen, Thanksgiving, pumpkin patches, yummy soups, time with family, lazy days under a warm blanket, all things wonderful!

These are just a few reasons that I heart fall. Yesterday brought a beautiful prelude to my favorite transition in seasons and has me daydreaming of all of the pleasures of autumn. So hurry fall, come quick!

My Janitor

2008-10-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

I decided to clean my bathrooms today. And when I say clean them, I mean CLEAN them. We're talking scrubbing from ceiling to floor, especially any yellow spots left by my sweet 3 year old. I use those Scrubbing Bubbles on the countertop until I can see my reflection. I even went as far as getting toothpicks out to clean every crevice in our sinks, toilets, and tubs. You may think I'm crazy, but there is just something about the satisfaction of a job well done. I love knowing that I won't have to scrub the bathrooms like that again for awhile because they are spotless. However, I must admit that about halfway through cleaning Tyler's bathroom I started to get a little disgusted. All of the missed attempts at the toilet and toothpaste caked to the wall began wearing on my patience. Cue the not so little Voice inside my heart. I heard the Lord reminding me of all of the messes He has cleaned up in my life. I began thinking about the job that I have given my Lord and Savior and I was ashamed. So many times I have hired Jesus to be my janitor, to come in with His cleaning agent of choice, His blood, and make me white again. Jesus, the perfect spotless lamb, who can not stand to look at sin puts on His cleaning gloves, grabs a mop, and goes to work on my heart. What amazes me most, is that He never quits on me!! No matter how big the mess, and how dirty it may be, He is willing to get to every nook and cranny to purify me and to bring me closer to Him. He doesn't rest until He can see His reflection in me. WOW!! We serve an amazing God! So, I will never clean a bathroom the same way again! What a great reminder for me to keep my heart clean for Him so that His blood was not shed in vain.

Tours de Flours

2008-09-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

What a day it was!! Last Saturday I woke up at the crack of dawn(5 am) to get ready for the race. Breakfast:oatmeal with brown sugar and dried fruit- Check! Mandarin Orange Spark for Energy- Check! Kick Butt race shirt and bib- Check! Directions to the Race- Check! I was ready to go. After the hour long drive to the Dallas Arboretum my adrenaline was pumping and I was eager to make it to the start line. Only problem was, evidentally about 5,000 other people were too! The gun sounds marking the beginning of the race. I literally walked 7 minutes before crossing the start line and then jogged for another 2 miles before I finally made it to my pace group. I must admit that I was a bit frustrated because I knew my PR for a 10K was shot due to a slow start. Looking back, I see this slow start as a symbol of my spritual journey. So often, I jump the gun with the Lord, wanting to sprint to the finish line of tasks He sets before me. But because He knows me better than I know myself, he makes it impossible for me to get ahead of where He wants me to be on the path towards righteousness. By the time I get to a good steady pace enjoying the beautiful scenery White Rock Lake has to offer I think, "Oh well, at least I will finish strong!" So, with my ipod in tow, I set out to finish the rest of the race with endurance! The first and last song I listened to during the race was "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. The words of the chorus help to get me thru so many long runs, "The voice of Truth tells me a different story, the voice of Truth says do not be afraid, the voice of Truth says this is for My glory. Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth!" I finished the race in 65 minutes, no PR by any stretch of the imagination, with tears rolling down my face praising the One who gave me the strength to run with endurance.

My Next Race will be Coming up Roses!!

2008-08-31T10:56:00.001-07:00

It's been a long while since I have posted anything on the status of my running! I first want to say that I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with 2 amazing running partners(love you Rebekah and Michele) that help to keep me on track with my weekly mileage and SO much more.

I have decided and committed that my first half-marathon will be the Dallas White Rock on Sunday, December 14th. That's 13.1 miles and the longest race I will have ever run. It's exciting for me because this will be the 10 year anniversary of when Blake ran the White Rock marathon! I know for sure that I will be running this race with my mentor and friend, Michele and would love anyone else to tag along for a day of testing and endurance with me.

Before the White Rock is the next race I will be running, coming up on Saturday, September 20th. I am super excited about this race because I have heard so many great things about it. It is called the Tour des Fleurs and the 10K course is thru the Dallas Arboretum!! So, this race, instead of smelling animal poo like I did running the Ft Worth Zoo Run Run, I will be able to smell and see all of the beautiful flowers the Arboretum boasts!! I would love to have a few buddies to run this race with so let me know if you are interested.

Running has been such a positive force in my life these past few months. The Lord is teaching me so much about my need for spiritual training in the midst of the physical training I am doing in order to run the races I am setting out for with strength and endurance. He is showing me that I will never be able to be free of the chains that so easily entangle me if I'm not willing to do what it takes daily to move closer towards Him and a life FREE from sin. I have found pure JOY in the physical pain of my long runs because it is a symbol of the pain in my heart and soul as God's grace continues to refine me.

Crusin' Together!

2008-08-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

It's official, Katy has taken her first ride in a car with her brother! YIKES...a little scary, but she LOVED it. Tyler was so sweet with Katy and kept his arm across her for protection the whole time. Katy just giggled and stared contently at her big bro. Blake and I sat back and watched them ride around together thinking about the future, about 13 years from now when they will actually ride away together and we can't be there to protect them if an obstacle gets in their way. Now that is a scary thought. Personally, I think parenthood is easier at this stage in the game! We can allow them to make mistakes and learn from them, but we can also protect them from as much hurt as we can. 13 years from now, that won't be an option. We will have to keep our eyes on the Lord and trust Him to protect them. So for now, I'll enjoy this time while it's still mine, and hold on to my babies and love on them 'till I'm blue in the face(pretty easy to do since they are SO darn cute)!

Love does not demand its own way!?

2008-08-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

Love does not demand its own way. This is a truth that the Lord is working on burning into my heart. Over the past month, I have been meeting with a mentor, a woman who I love and respect SO much. At one of our first meetings, Michele and I talked about my struggles with parenting a toddler. The first question she had for me was, "Jamie, when you are mentoring your children, do you encourage in righteousness, or demand?" OUCH!! That really hit me at the depths of my core. As I searched my heart for the answer to that question I realized that in every area of my life, I often demand my own way. More often that not, I nag Blake in a quest for him to act the way that I WANT him to, or to treat me the way that I WANT him to. When, I discipline Tyler, I seek results that I WANT, and use punishments that are convenient FOR ME. That's not love!! After all, 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, "Love DOES NOT demand its own way." After a good talk with Michele, I had some blinders taken off of my heart and a big shift in thinking. I now understand that demanding MY WAY is not going to accomplish anything but frustration for everyone in my family. The only person whose actions I can truly control are my own. So, the best way to affect my husband and children is to model righteousness for them, to seek the Lord in all I do and allow my actions to speak for themselves. Another scripture that has new meaning for me is Ephesians 6:4. It says, "Fathers(and mothers), do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.". Reading this with a new set of eyes shows me again, that as long as I am seeking MY WAY, I'm not being the parent God has called me to be. Instead, I must run towards the Lord with my kids and train them in what is good and true through my actions. This is definitely still a struggle for me, but it is a battle with my flesh that I am happy to fight! I am SO thankful for the wisdom of a godly woman who has been down the path ahead of me and is willing to share her heart to help me grow!

Katy Bug is 6 Months Old

2008-07-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

I can not believe that my baby girl is already half-way to being a year old. I must say that she is GORGEOUS and has such an amazing personality, demanding at times, but amazing nonetheless. Just a few things Katy is doing at the moment(my friend Rebekah has been documenting her baby Gracie's milestones, so I am going to copy her idea!! Thanks Rebekah! :)

- She already loves to sing. When I am singing her favorite lullabies as I rock her gently to sleep at night, she hums along, showing me that she has a love for music even now! I love to listen to her sweet voice, and know that I will always be her biggest fan!

- She is enamored with her big brother. Tyler can do or say anything and Katy is in stitches, thrilled to pieces that her brother has acknowledged her presence. Tyler is SUCH a good big brother. He kisses her for no reason throughout the day, just to love on her. They play so well together and I can not wait to see what the future holds for them. Their relationship reminds me of my relationship with my brother Evan. He was my best friend and I adored him!! We were inseperable as kids and rarely fought...I pray the same for Tyler and Katy.

- She is sitting up and attempting to crawl. Her crawl usually becomes a roll because she gets so frustrated with the effort required to scoot across the carpet. The child can get from Point A to Point B in no time flat rolling though...it's kind of scary. We are definitely transitioning into a new, mobile stage in the Mullins household which means it's time to start babyproofing again. :)

- She is a HAPPY girl. When Katy Bug smiles, the entire room lights up because she smiles with her whole face. She is so easy-going and fun-loving, unless she is hungry of course. If she is hungry, all bets are off. A few of the things that make her happiest are: water(she loves swimming), family(she likes familiar faces to be close at all times), silky blankets, the dogs, and DADDY(she is definitely going to be a daddy's girl.

- She is getting teeth. This little chomper is a teething maniac. I wouldn't be surprised if she had all of her teeth before she is a year old. Makes for some restless nights, but she looks so cute with her pearly whites!!

- Last little tidbit I will share. For the most part, Katy Bug appears to be a little prissy, very lady-like. She already likes to pick out her own outfits(seriously, we walk into the closet together and she reaches for what she wants to wear for the day). Her mannerisms are very dainty and proper. But, her most recent fascination has been with making raspberries with her mouth. When she does gets going, it sounds like someone is really struggling with some bad gas!! And, she is so proud of her newfound talent!! The other day, she said dada, and then immediately made her tooting noise. I think that she already knows who has the gas in our family.

Time has flown by and I try so hard to take in every precious minute of her life. My friend and mentor Michelle reminded me last week that this moment is all we are granted, and that we have to make the most of this life God has blessed us with. Watching Katy Bug grow keeps me on my knees with gratitude and seeking wisdom. I want to be the best mom that I can be to her and Tyler. They are amazing children and I want to walk them down the path of righteousness towards their Father who loves them even more than I ever could!!

Tyler-isms

2008-07-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

Kids say the darndest things don't they? Tyler has such a fun personality and the things that come out of his mouth keep me in stitches. Thought I would share a few of the random Tyler-isms that keep me entertained...enjoy!

1. Anytime we are in the car, Tyler is always looking for ways to make the drive more exciting. The other day, we were driving down 407 and I hear my little backseat driver shout, "Mommy, go real fast around the worms!!" At first I didn't understand, but soon realized that he was referring to the curves in the road, so now I always drive fast around "the worms" for the speed racer in Little T!

2. We usually have praise and worship music on in the car, and Tyler has a few songs that he loves to sing at the top of his lungs. One of his favorites is Beautiful One. Here is the Tyler remix: "Beautiful One, I love, Beautiful One, I'm a door"!! Makes me giggle everytime!

3. Tyler is a HUGE fan of the new Disney movie Camp Rock. He loves to imitate The Jonas brothers, but his favorite song is one sung by a girl at the beginning of the show. The actual lyrics of the chorus are, "who's got what it takes" but in Tyler's mind they are, "Pooh's got what it takes"!! Still haven't figured out if he is talking about the bear or what comes out of his behind!!

4. Tyler still makes a big deal about going potty, and I don't mind, as long as he makes it to the potty. Everytime he goes, he says, "mommy, i'm so proud of the potty train!" All aboard, let's take a ride on the potty train!!

Ok, those are just a few of my favorites, there are so many more Tyler-isms...I'll share more sometime soon.

Out of the Blogosphere

2008-07-25T12:26:00.001-07:00

Hello to all of my fellow blogging friends. I'm sorry I have not posted in ages! I have had PLENTY to write about, just not enough time. I really felt convicted about my priorities about a month ago, and so I needed to restructure the way I spend the precious time that the Lord has blessed me with. But, I do plan to start posting on a weekly basis again now that I have things in our household a little more organized. Thanks for having patience with me as I have been away from the blogosphere. Stay tuned for more insight into My World View!!

Glimpses of Grace

2008-06-16T12:42:00.001-07:00

As I sat and watched Tyler play today, I began realizing what a great little man he is becoming. I have had so many struggles with discipline over the last 6 months, and for the moment, I believe that the consistency has paid off. He strives to be obedient and a good helper and 90% of the time he is one of the happiest kids you will ever meet. I have also noticed how far a little bit of grace goes with him. Now that he understands what obedience is, he gets really disappointed with himself when he knows he has crossed the line with me. When I see him trying his hardest to please me, grace with his little mistakes come so easy. He seems to grow even more in the times that I will show him grace rather than justice. I think it's because he understands what the consequences could have and should have been for his disobedience.

In realizing this, I began seeing glimpses of God's grace for me. I started to think about who I was and where I was in relation to Him about 10 years ago, and the thought made me shudder. I was off living life the way I wanted to live with little to no regard for God's plan for my life. But, thankfully, he disciplined me and began to break me in order to bring me back to Him. His grace for me is so humbling. And because of His grace, I strive to be all that He created me to be. My desire is to live for Him and stay smack dab in the middle of His will for my life! I still struggle with living this out, but that's why His grace is SO amazing.

I'll leave this post with a couple of verses that keep me depending on God's grace in my life.

Colossians 1:21-22
"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your mind because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation."

Top 6 Baby!!

2008-06-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

There has been much ado about a certain someone in the Mullins' household for the past month. Every Monday night we wait anxiously for the 7 o'clock hour to arrive so that we can all plop on to our cozy couch. What are we waiting so intently to see? The Bachelorette. I know, I know...not the most wholesome show to watch with my kids, but this season is a MUST watch. You see, Blake's college roomate and running buddy, Blaine Twilley is one of the contestants seeking Deanna Pappa's heart. Twilley, as the other men affectionately call him, started out as one of 24 eligible bachelors and has danced(literally) his way into the Top 6!! We are so excited for him. And although we feel like his time is coming to an end with Deanna, it sure has been fun watching his silly antics and comedic personality every week. For those of you watching the show, you have probably seen Twilley's amazing dance moves, and Blake swears that he taught Blaine everything he knows.

We will continue to tune in to The Bachelorette in hopes that Twilley will survive yet another week. Do you think he will make it thru to the hometown dates??

Sleepy Sundays

2008-06-08T16:19:00.000-07:00

I love me a good Sunday afternoon nap. I always feel this amazing calm after spending some good QT with the Lord and my bed is happy to give me a soft place to enjoy my sleepy Sundays. This seems to be the one day of the week that I am able to get both of the kids down at the same time for a GOOD nap so that I am able to get some rest myself. Coincidence?? I think not!

So, thank you Lord for sleepy Sundays! That's all for now.

Grateful with Grief

2008-06-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

*disclaimer* The content of this post is pretty heavy in nature. For my dear friends who are pregnant, or are sensitive to the loss of young lives, you may want to proceed with caution.

Grateful with grief. I know that it sounds like a complete oxymoron but that is the overwhelming emotion that I am feeling this morning. Last night, I sat in front of my computer with sobs pouring from my body, just like they have done time and time again when I hear of the loss of innocent life. About a month ago I was introduced to the blog of an incredible brave woman who is documenting the story of her daughter Audrey Caroline. You can visit the site at www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com but again be ready for some heavy content that has a strong theme of hope. The first time that I read this blog, I was overcome with emotion. I was angry with God for allowing such a tragedy to happen to such a sweet family. But, it also brought back the pain that I walked through with one of my dear friends just a couple of years ago.

The author of this blog is Angie, the mother of Audrey Caroline, and the wife of one of the singers in the Christian group Selah. About halfway through her pregnancy, Angie was informed that sweet Audrey would not survive outside of the womb, but as the doctors gave their news, Angie felt her baby moving inside of her, speaking of The Healer. Angie and her husband made the decision to allow God to work if He chose to. She was able to deliver Audrey, and Audrey survived for about 5 hours on this earth before God called her home. But the story does not end there! Angie has been sharing her journey of healing and restoration on her blog and it has been such a blessing to read. Yesterday, I decided to brave this blog again only to find that tragedy had overcome this family again. Angie's sister-in-law, Nichol(the lead singer of Selah), lost her son Luke to SIDS at the age of 2 months. I literally threw my hands in the air in anger when I read the post and my hands are still trembling as I type this post.

How can I feel so much emotion for a family I have never even met? I think it's because I have felt all of this and more when walking down this road with my friend Jennifer who lost her sweet twins at 22 weeks a couple of years ago. Or maybe it's just because I am a mom who doesn't want anyone to endure that type pf pain. Regardless, I find myself grieving for this family and so angry at God over the loss of innocent life! I know that He has a greater purpose in everything, but WHY??? As I sobbed almost in hysterics, I knew He could handle my anger and questions. As I wrestled with Him in grief, I began to feel this wave of gratitude. "I have given you two beautiful children to love and cherish as they walk this earth," He reminded me. Yes you have, Lord. I ran into Katy's room to watch her breathing, so thankful for each movement that she made. And then I stood in the doorway of Tyler's room, grateful for the warrior spirit inside of him. I must admit that I also felt a twinge of conviction. I have found myself frustrated with the day in day out of discipline and bottle feeding the past couple of weeks. But, I have two children to watch over at night! So, I fell on my knees to lay it all down at the feet of the One who brought all this emotion to my heart. I am still angry, still have questions, but I am grateful at the same time. I know that if I search His heart, He will bring peace to mine.

Not so Ordinary

2008-05-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

We went to church with my brother and his awesome wife while we were visiting last weekend and the preacher started his message with an idea that's really got me thinking.

He talked about the fact that Jesus was very ordinary, ordinary looking that is. There were no orbs of light surrouding his head, or a choir of angels to announce his coming. In fact, he pointed out that if you were to look at a picture of Jesus sitting with his disciples, more than likely Jesus would have blended right into the group. Now of course Jesus' ministry was anything BUT ordinary. Everything that he did set him apart from those around him. So for the past few days I have been pondering on a couple of things.

First of all, I thank God that Jesus took on human form to come and be crushed for our iniquities. I know that there is not a single struggle that I will face that Jesus did not encounter while he walked the earth. He was tempted by Satan himself, he experienced suffering and grief and joy and every other emotion my heart will feel, and more. Christ became a man so that he could identify with every obstacle that I must overcome. He truly can grieve when I am grieving and shout for joy when I experience victories because he KNOWS firsthand what I am going through. I can rest in Him, knowing that He has been down this road before me!

The second thing that really has me thinking is that as a Christian, I am called to be more like the One who was pierced for my sin. Yes, I like Jesus look ordinary from an outward glance. Like Christ, a picture of me would not explain anything about my life or set me apart from a crowd, but what about my life, is it ordinary as well? Do I blend in with the crowd? Or, do I stand out like a sore thumb because my actions speak of the Savior I follow? I'm afraid to say that I am more of a chameleon than a world changer. But, I feel challenged to change that because little eyes are watching to see the Christ in me. My actions will speak so much louder than the words that spew from my mouth. I must live my life so that Tyler and Katy know Who I serve without ever having to tell them.

So, flood my life Holy Spirit. Come in and lead this weary mom to become so much more than ordinary for the One that was crushed for me!

Perfection

2008-05-25T21:45:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am in Louisiana visiting my little brother and his wife to celebrate his college graduation. We are staying in the city that holds some of my fondest memories of my life with Blake as well as a few from my high school days. Today I created another day of simple, but priceless memories in this city that still feels like home to me!

The best part of the day began after my afternoon nap(yes, I am applying what I have learned from my previous post). The kids were a little restless with energy that needed to be expended as was I, so my brother took us to a new city park. Evan played with Tyler on the playground while my mom took Katy for a walk so I could go for a long bike ride. I was able to breathe in this environment that my heart at times aches for. Hundreds of trees danced above me singing about their Creator with the rustling of their leaves. Magnolia blossoms caught my nose and reminded me of the sweetness of my great-grandmother who treasured their scent as if it were gold. The water from the river flowing nearby put me at ease with its perfect rhythm. As I ended my bike ride, I passed my mom who was carrying Katy's limp body in a sling. Evidentally, the sounds of nature soothe her just like mommy.

After we parked the bike and removed Katy from her snug cocoon, we walked over to meet Tyler and Uncle Evan on the playground. I was able to watch two of my favorite boys in the world play together. Tyler inherited his middle name from my baby brother and as I watched them play, I began praying that he would inherit so much more than a name from him. After all, my baby brother is not a baby anymore. He is a man of strong character who chases after God. As I sat soaking up the last few minutes of the boys playing, I glanced down at my precious little girl. She seemed to grow with each inhale and exhale that came from her sweet body. Oh, how I wish time could stand still during this amazing phase of her life. The park ranger interrupted my daydreaming when he came by to tell us that it was time to go, and I wanted to shout, "NO! Just give me a few more minutes to soak up these precious moments." But not to worry, Tyler did the screaming for me as we had to drag him away from the park, kicking all the way to the car in protest. He calmed down quickly after I informed him that we would be going to get coffee, aka chocolate milk, from the coffee shop that was also my first place of employment.All to soon, the evening came to an end just as quickly as it had begun.

So, I sit tonight satisfied with a day of perfection. The only thing missing from today was the fact that Blake was not here to share it with me. I serve a God who loves me more than I could ever imagine. His desire is to bless me beyond my wildest dreams, and today He did. I used to dream of being some sort of rock star(ok, maybe not rock, but you get the point), but today those dreams seemed futile and so distant as I drank in the riches He has poured into my life. Life is precious, life is sweet!

Be Still and...REST!!!

2008-05-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

I struggle with being still. Unless I am laying out by a swimming pool soaking up some rays, I feel this inner angst if I am just sitting. Even when I go to bed at night, my mind races for about an hour thinking of all of the things that I could be or should be doing. After all, there is ALWAYS something to be done with 2 kids between laundry, bottles to feed, playtime, and household chores. On top of that, I love being connected with friends, so all of my free time is spent either running(errands or for exercise) or with my girlfriends. I just CAN NOT take time to rest, because everything WOULD NOT get done.

This weekend, our pastor talked about the importance of rest, REAL rest, and I must admit that I felt VERY convicted. I realized that in the midst of my busyness and hurried life, I am missing out on a fundamental principle God wants for my life. If I am constantly on the go, even if it is doing things for Him, I am not allowing time to HEAR FROM HIM!! But maybe, just maybe, deep down I know that if I slowed down long enough to hear from God, He may invade areas of my life that I am just not comfortable with. He might ask me to do something that I am just not sure I can do. The desire of my heart is to be in the absolute center of His will for my life, so it's time for me to take some time, take some Sabbath rest and focus on my Savior.

So, today we canceled our playgroup, and my goal has been to rest. And yet, here I sit with my internal struggle again. Both of the kids are down for a nap, and I see the piles of laundry waiting to be folded and put away. There are phone calls I "need" to be making. My mind is literally racing with things that I should be doing. But, I hear that still small voice telling me to be still...and REST!!

What are your thoughts? I know I am not the only mom who struggles with this. Oh, be sure to check out Toby's message at www.crosstimberschurch.org and look for the Plan B message series.

Look Mom!! No Hands!!

2008-05-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

Potty training has become very entertaining in our house. Now that Tyler has learned how to use the "big boy potty", he wants to venture out and try new things. At the moment, his favorite thing to do is water the grass. And by the water the grass I do mean pee on the grass. He will make a mad dash from his bedroom first thing in the morning to get to the back yard in enough time to potty with the dogs! How fun is it to be a boy?!?!

On Mondays, we have a play day with two of my dear friends, Andi and Robin, and this week we had the 6 kiddoes at Andi's house. The weather was perfect so we sent the boys to the backyard to play while we had some much needed mommy time. I peeked outside in just enough time to catch Tyler's "I have to go potty" face. So I rushed out and ran him to the fence. Much to my dismay, my child stripped down completely(yes, he was buck naked) and beckoned for Toby to come and join him as he watered the fence. As my face turned a crimson shade of red, Tyler yells, "look mom, no hands!!". Yes Tyler, you have managed to maneuver your body into a half moon so that you can pee on the fence without using your hands. "Great job son", I respond. Mortification officially sets in at this point. For the next few hours, Tyler ran around with his best buddies in nothing but his pull-up and even took the time to water Andi's fence one more time. He and Toby even toasted his newfound talent with popsicles after lunch. No really, they shouted "Cheers!" together and toasted their popsicles after each lick of their orange treats. It was too cute for words!

I must say that I am so proud of him, regardless of the embarassment I felt on Monday. He has made some great progress since a month ago when I felt that he might go to kindergarten in pull-ups! Being the mama of a boy, is so incredibly humbling and I would not trade it for the world!

Awesome Photographer!!!

2008-05-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my friend and photographer extraordinaire, Kristen Sizemore came over this week to take some pics of the kids, and she is AMAZING!!! Before she started shooting, she spent some time playing with Tyler so he could warm up to her. In the 3 hours she was at the house, Tyler managed to fall head over heels for her. He has watched for her car to pull into the driveway every day since the photo shoot. Kristen is an artist with her photography and has such a passion for what she does. When you are ready to get some pics of the fam, I will give you her number..she is AWESOME!! Thanks again Kristen for spending a great afternoon with us. Tyler is in LUB with you!

Chain Quiz...I Know...the things we do for those we love!

2008-05-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

So, I know that chain quizzes are really silly, but I love my friend Andi...so...here are 7 random facts about me...

1. I have a hair phobia! Abnormally hairy people truly frighten me.

2. I have broken my left arm 3 times in the same place. They called me Skinny McGinty growing up and I was a little clumsy in my lanky body.

3. I dream of playing bass for a great band someday!

4. I would love to have one or two more babies. Blake is not exactly on board with this one yet, but, there are plenty of Texas cities waiting to become the first name of a Mullins'!

5. I struggle with being alone. I love to have people around...all the time! If I am by chance by myself, I am usually on the phone with a friend.

6. I can NOT toot. No seriously, unless I am pregnant I really struggle with passing gas!

7. I ADORE food network. Although I usually do not have time to cook the great recipes I see, I have fun fantasizing of being a gourmet chef!

Alright, there you have it. I tag Emily Tilly and Rebekah Bullard...two of my favorite blogs to read!

Oh, and Happy Mother's Day to my sweet friends that are such a great support system for me as I raise two sweet babies in this fallen world. I love you!

"Mommy, I hit the Blue One!!"

2008-05-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

Potty training has been a bit of a challenge in the Mullins household for...oh about the past YEAR!! But, I say with under-my-breath excitement that we are finally rounding the corner on this seemingly easy task. I have struggled with the right way to potty train Tyler. I have always heard that you should not discipline your children when teaching them to use the potty, but when you have a strong willed child who has the know-how and the ability and yet still chooses to crap(excuse the terminology but give me a break here) in his pants, one begins to think differently. I started putting Tyler in time out if he did not keep his pull-up clean and dry but this just resulted in frustration for both of us. Using the potty was the one last area of Tyler's life that he had control over. So, my little warrior was hanging on to that control with all his might. I decided to put on my creative cap and as Pooh would say, "think, think, think". I came to the conclusion that I needed to make potty training fun for Tyler. Cereal...that's it we can use cereal!! I ran to the pantry to get the box of Fruit Loops and explained a new game to little T. We put a few fruit loops in the water and let them float. The rules were simple...hit as many fruit loops as possible and you WIN!! My 3 year old(yes he is 3 and still having trouble with potty training) was more eager to accomplish this task than I have seen him in a long time. "Mommy, I hit the blue one"!! It worked. I finally found a way to get the child to use the big boy potty without a fight. And I am happy to say, that we have gone 4 days no in big boy underwear, even through naptime. Can I get an AMEN sisters??

And, just FYI...Katy will start potty training when she starts walking. This whole wait until they are ready thing is for the birds. Tyler would have been walking across a stage getting his high school diploma with his momma still wiping his butt if I had waited until he was ready.

Katy Elizabeth makes her Debut!!

2008-05-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

Ok...so for those of you who are not interested in silly home videos documenting how adorable my kids are, this post is not for you! But, I just had to get some footage of my beautiful baby girl today to share with my friends and family who are out of town. Enjoy! Oh and please forgive the silly mommy noises in the background. :)

A Heavenly Mandate

2008-05-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a day that your confidence felt so tried that you just wanted to throw in the towel? I must admit that I have had several of those days in the past couple of months. On the days that Tyler has thrown a temper for the 5th time and Katy has cried for hours without end, I ask myself if I am really cut out for the task at hand. Am I really equipped to raise these two kids with patience, humility, love, and discernment? I have always heard that God will not give you more than you can handle, but, at times I think that God thinks more of me than I do. I am in the middle of a ladies bible study at our church and we are reading a book called, Raising Children without Going Insane. I would definitely recommend it to every mom reading this entry. It is chock full of Godly wisdom for every stage of being a mom. One of the chapters we read last week was about our confidence as moms, and I would love to share a little morsel of insight with you.

The author, Jane Evans, says, "So, Mom, don't ever think you don't have what it takes. Don't be tempted to give up. Your children have seeds of greatness placed within them, planted by God before the foundations of the world were laid. He chose you to water nurture, and bring them to light...it's your mandate from God. If ever there was a reason to be confident as a parent it is this: God knows you've got what it takes! So don't allow the challenges of parenthood to undermine your confidence."

I stand with confidence in the face of the enemy, knowing full well that God has given me the tools and resources to raise the precious cargo He has entrusted into my care. So stand firm, sisters...on the days you feel weary and challenged, know that you have a heavenly mandate, and YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES!!

Big Brother

2008-04-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

When we first brought Katy home from the hospital, Tyler was not quite sure that he wanted to keep her around. In fact, when I took her in for the 1 week well check-up, Tyler asked if I was taking Katy back to her home! I disappointed him when I explained that she was staying with us and that our home was going to be her home. I must say that the first couple of months was really challenging with the two of them. Tyler just did not understand why he was not the center of my world anymore. He was clingy and demanding and needed more of me than I could give. And to make matters worse, Katy was quite a gassy(translate FUSSY)baby up until the past week or so. But things are changing slowly but surely. In fact, sweet little Katy is starting to be the center of Tyler's world. Case in point: our evening together on the couch tonight. Tyler wanted to hold his little sister so badly. So, I cautiously handed her into his eager arms. The moments that followed were some of the sweetest moments I have encountered as a mother to date. Tyler began telling Katy how cute she is and how much he loves her. Then out of nowhere, Katy started laughing for the first time ever. The two of them giggled at each other and were so content just being together. Holding baby Katy turned into feeding baby Katy, wiping the milk off of her face, and even trying to burp her. For a few minutes this evening, my 3 year old little warrior became the most gentle spirited child with so much love in his heart for his little sister.

I smile as I think about what the future holds for those two. They are quite the pair. I have no doubt that Tyler will be a protector, a shoulder to cry on, a pest, and most importantly, a friend for Katy. I will remind the two of them of this day when they start to pester each other in the years to come.

Future Mr. Perfect

2008-04-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

I was shopping at Old Navy a few weeks ago(in the clearance section since we are on the cash envelope system) and stumbled upon the most adorable pajamas for Tyler. The top reads (future)Mr. Perfect!! I giggled as I put them in the cart because of course, I as Tyler's mom believe him to be quite the catch even at 3. When I put the new jammies on Tyler that evening, I began really thinking about that phrase and Tyler's future. Oh, how I want him to be the perfect mate for an amazing girl someday. I started praying that evening that God would keep Tyler pure and that Blake and I will set a good example of what a strong marriage looks like. I also began praying for Tyler's future wife, and that the Lord would also protect her and bestow His favor on her.

Shortly after I met my mother-in-law, Sandie, she told me that she had been praying for me since Blake was a little boy. It was so awesome to know that a woman who had never met me was praying for my protection and purity. And now here I sit on the other side of the table as a mom who so desperately wants the best of life for her little boy. The words of an old Wayne Watson song are suddenly flooding my brain.

"And I don't even know her name, but I am praying for her just the same,
That the Lord will write His name upon her heart.
'Cuz somewhere in the course of this life, my little boy will need a godly wife.
So hold on to Jesus, baby wherever you are!"

Norman Rockwell

2008-04-25T12:38:00.000-07:00

This picture reminds me of something captured in a Norman Rockwell photo of days gone by. Blake spent this particular morning at the lake teaching Tyler how to "sish". The rest of the day was spent out on the dock trying to catch the big one! As I was standing in the kitchen looking through the window at what was left of one of the most incredible sunsets at Possum Kingdom, this is what I saw. My precious 3 year old patiently waiting for dinner to arrive on his hook and his dog Kendall laying close enough by to rescue him if need be. This will be a cherished memory tucked away in my heart forever. Life passes us by so quickly and watching my little one fishing remided me to slow down and enjoy these sweet moments as often as possible.

Oh and unfortunately, the BIG ONE got away. Better luck next time little T!

In Jesus' Love

2008-04-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Praying with Tyler has become the highlight of my evenings. Each night, as part of his bedtime routine, we take a few moments to thank God for the things we are thankful for. The past couple of weeks, a few moments have turned into about 5 minutes. It's so great to see that he already gets having a heart of thanksgiving and gratitude for the things the Lord has blessed us with. He thanks God for a wide variety of things including: daddy and mommy, and baby Katy, and Kendall and Kona, and trucks(surprise!), and church, and Toby, and Davis, and our house, and Tyler, and trees, and cars, and mommy and daddy(we usually repeat things a few times). So you get the jist of the way his prayers go. My favorite thing about his prayers is the way he ends them. After he has finished thanking God for EVERYTHING under the sun, he concludes by saying, "In Jesus' Love, Amen". I haven't corrected him, because I was blown away by the insight of a 3 year old. It's like he realizes that the reason that we have so much to be thankful for is because of Jesus' love for us! And he understands that he is wrapped and taken care of in Christ's love for him. So, in our home we don't say "In Jesus' name" anymore. We are following the lead of our son.

New Name for our Blog

2008-04-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

So, I have spent the last week or so trying to come up with a new name for our blog. When I started blogging a couple of months ago, my original intention was just to have a place to post pictures of the kids and talk about their milestones. However, as so many of us do, I have become quite fascinated with blogging about everything under the sun. I just want people to know about what is going on in my heart and my home. So, the new name of the blog is My World View. Do you remember the old DC Talk song. Everyone sing along, "My world view, it's how I see the world, it's how I look at you. My world view, it's how I see the world, would you lie to see it to? My world view." A little cheesy I know, but it is fitting. So, hope you are enjoying the way things look from my perspective. Have a great day!

Zoo Run Run was Fun Fun Fun!!

2008-04-20T12:39:00.000-07:00

My first race of the year has officially come and gone and I had a blast. It brought back all of the adrenaline and emotions that keep me addicted to running! Most of you know that I had planned to run the 5K since it was my first race after having my precious little Katy. But as I lay in bed on Friday night I began contemplating if this was a worthy challenge. After some deliberation I made the decision to up the mileage and forego the 5K to run the 10K instead. As I drove to the Zoo Saturday morning, so many things started running through my mind. "Am I really prepared to run 6 miles?", "Is the mexican food I ate last night going to come back up during the race?" and most importantly, "Is the smell of the animals POO going to be a distraction?". When I arrived the 10K was just beginning, so I got a bit of a late start, but quickly caught up to the walkers of the group. The answer to my question about the animal POO was quickly answered with a resounding YES!!! Boy, I love the zoo but animals are SSSTINKY! Aye chihuhua!! The first mile of the run was thru the zoo grounds, which was pretty cool after I got over the initial shock of the terrible smell of the animals. The remainder of the race was around the TCU area and was a beautiful course matched with equally perfect weather. Before I knew it, I was at mile marker 4 and had not even begun to feel tired! Yea...I was going to make it back in one piece. About mile 5, I started hurting and cramping a little,but, I pressed through the pain to complete the race in 1 hour and 8 minutes. Definintely not my best time for a 10K, but I was still so grateful to have finished it without seeing my meal from the night before again(for those of you who don't know, I can get a weak stomach when I am running long distances).

So, my first race is behind me, and now I am eager to sign up for another one. I'll keep you posted on what is next. In the mean time, I am going to take a long Sunday afternoon nap. It has been a long weekend!

So Impressed!

2008-04-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

Tyler's favorite show at the moment is American Idol, so we make sure to sit down and watch it as a family. It usually turns into Karaoke Hour for Tyler as he tries to imitate each of the contestants. I will try to get some footage next week and post it to the blog for your viewing pleasure.

Tonight's Results show was a surprise in many aspects. I was terribly dissapointed in the outcome of the bottom 3 and who was ultimately sent home(don't want to spoil the surprise for those of you who have not seen it yet). However, the show started with a very welcomed surprise! The first song began and I could hardly believe my ears. The Top 8 entered the stage singing "Shout to the Lord"!! By the end of the first verse, I was in tears. Not because of the amazing vocals, although they were incredible. I was SO IMPRESSED that the executives at Fox and Idol were making a stand for something great.

"Nothing compares to the promise I have in You!" What an important message for millions of viewers tuned in for tonight's show to hear. I am so thankful that there is still a shred of goodness left on TV in the midst of the modern day Babylon we live in!! So, hats off to American Idol for bringing some light into this dark world tonight. I definitely plan to download tonight's performance to show my support!

Girlfriends

2008-04-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I was talking with one of my new and dear friends, Chavon about friendships. Our conversation has had me really reflecting on how my view of friendship has changed since my teenage years(thanks Chevy for the insight!!). When I was younger, I felt this overwhelming desire to be the "popular" girl. I wanted to have as many friends as humanly possible. The problem with this drive towards an endless supply of friendships is that I was always left feeling lonely and not emotionally connected. As the years have passed, I know that the reason for that loneliness was that it is not possible to emotionally connect with an abundance of people. Trying to connect with too many people leaves a person with a million acquaintances and very few true friendships. I don't really recall a moment when that changed, but I do know that as each stage of life has come, I have become less and less worried with the amount of friends I can claim. I found that as I needed someone to confide in with problems in my marriage, or when I needed someone to talk to about the struggles I am having with being a shopaholic, or advice on parenting, acquaintances were not what I needed. So, my quest for rich and genuine friendships has been a journey. I can say that today, God has blessed me with some amazing, rich, friendships(Level 10 as Toby Slough would say)! Isn't it great to have girlfriends that know your strengths and struggles and love you just the same. People who will rejoice with you when you are celebrating and who will genuinely weep with you when you are hurting! So, I'm not the most popular girl on the block at the moment, and I am SO happy for that because I have a handful of girlfriends that are PRICELESS to me.

Thanks to those of you who come to my house for playdates and don't care that I don't have make-up on, to those of you who listen to my ups and downs in life, and those of you would go to the ends of the earth with me...I love you dearly! And thanks again Chavon for bringing some new insight to my life this weekend, you are a blessing.

No Toss of the Dice

2008-04-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

I have been doing quite a bit of reflecting on the Lord's purposes for me the past few days. I am positive that during this season of my life, His desire is for me to be the best wife and mom that I can be, that is my biggest ministry for the time being. In the midst of dwelling on some scriptures to help me to live out the fruits of the Spirit in our home I came across an all too familiar verse that has me in awe of our Creator. I love the Living Translation of Psalm 139:16, "O Lord, You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!" What an amazing God we serve. The very same God that created the heavens and everything we see around us, knows and cares about every single breath that I will take. He had a specific plan and purpose for every gift, talent, struggle, heartache, and passion inside of me. What is even more amazing to me about my Savior is that He also knew long before I was a thought in my parents minds that I would break His heart time and time again. WOW!! So, knowing that nothing in my life is an accident, I also rest in the fact that I was custom-made for a reason, His glory. That encourages me to strive to fulfill His purposes for me in our home to the best of my abilities.

Isn't it awesome to know that our lives are no toss of the dice to God?

My First Race...it will be a WILD One!!

2008-04-04T11:33:00.001-07:00

Ok, so one of my goals for this year is to get back into running and in order to accomplish that goal I want to run as many races as possible and a couple of 1/2 marathons. I have been running around my neighborhood track(the streets) several times a week and I am feeling ready to take a go at my first road race. I am really stoked about it! I will be running the Fort Worth Zoo Run Run on April 19th. Are you ready for the daunting task of how long this race is?? A whole 5K(that's 3.2 miles for you non-runners). Ok, so it's not the biggest feat in the world, but I am starting small. After all, you eat an elephant one bit at a time, right? So, I would love to have some peeps to run with me. At the moment I know that my sweet friend Katy Ward is going to run(although she may ditch me for the 10K), and I have several other recruits I am working on. So, let me know if you want to jump on board. It will be a FUN race, and as a bonus you get free passes to the zoo, can't beat that!!

Hallelujah!!!

2008-03-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning singing the hallelujah chorus to myself...again. Katy slept for 10 hours for the second night in a row!! And so did Tyler, in his own bed!! Mama feels like a new woman. It's amazing what a couple of nights of good sleep will do for you. After I got Katy down for her morning nap I got busy doing some major housecleaning. We're talking mopping, laundry, scrubbing the bathrooms, all that jazz! I have not felt this good since I was about 7 months pregnant. Praise the Lord, life is starting to get back to normal, whatever normal might be. So, where are all my ladies at?? It's time for a girl's night! Any good chick flicks coming out soon?

New Frontrunner on American Idol

2008-03-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

Ok...who is with me when I say that David Cook is the next American Idol?? To be honest, I was not very impressed with him at the beginning of the season, but all that changed when he redid the Lionel Richie song a few weeks ago. And HOLY COW, his version of Billie Jean last night was SICK!! I did not even recognize the song until half way through the first verse. Now that's what I call making a song your own. I feel like that ranked right up there with Blake Lewis' version of "You give Love a bbbbBad Name"!!So, as much as I love my boy David Archuletta, I think that my vote is with D Cook. It will be interesting to see who is in the Bottom 3 tonight. My guess: Ramiele Malubay(come on, it's time for her to go), Carly Smithson(she seems to have lost her edge at the moment, a case os shaken confidence), and either Chikiezie or Christy Lee Cook. What do you think??

Just Praisin Jesus

2008-03-23T16:53:00.001-07:00

I have to start this post by saying that I feel so incredibly blessed to be part of such an amazing church. Blake and I have been members of Cross Timbers Community Church for almost 4 years now and our lives have been forever changed by what is happening there. Yesterday I was reminded yet again how blessed we are to call Cross Timbers home. Every weekend, Blake and I drop Tyler off at CT Kids and are able to go and enjoy worship without distraction. I have always known that Tyler was being loved on and learning about Jesus, but I had no idea just how incredible our kids department is. I was able to sneak in to the back of Tyler's classroom this week and watch about 25 little ones singing and dancing and having a blast with their teachers. I was blown away by the group of people working in Tyler's class. It was obvious that the passion of their heart is to teach and train these kids in the way of the Lord. Afte rI picked Tyler up, I asked him about the songs he sang and about what he had done at church. His response, "I was just praisin' Jesus!!" He had the biggest grin on his face and it was apparent that he loved every minute of it. I had to fight back tears to share in his excitement. How awesome that thanks to some amazing people in CT Kids, our son is already pumped about praising God!!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2008-03-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am not sure that it is really true what they say about the Terrible Two's. We got off pretty easy during Tyler's second year of life. Not so much this year. Since the week of Tyler's 3rd birthday we have had so many challenges with discipline. I have found my patience tried more in the past month than his first 2 years combined. The main issue we are having is that his ears just don't seem to work at the moment. He does not want to listen...AT ALL. And when he does miraculously hear what we say, his normal response is...NO!! So, because of that, he has been spending quite a bit of his time in time out. Another challenge we have since my 7th month of pregnancy is that Tyler REALLY wants to sleep in bed with Blake and I, which poses all kinds of problems. We have really been working hard to get him back in his bed using a sticker chart and laying with him in his bed to start the night off. Well, this week, I decided to take that a step further and make him go to bed on his own, without us laying with him. The first night that we did this was really hard on Tyler. He cried and cried,"Mommy lay with you". I explained that he was a big boy and I was so proud of him and knew he could go to bed on his own. His response to that was, "I go to time out...please...I go to time out!!". He would rather go to time out than sleep by himself. How sad is that. You will be happy to know that after about 5 minutes of begging to go to time out, he finally went to sleep and stayed in his bed until 6 AM. Hallelujah!!!

Who Needs Eggs?

2008-03-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, so those of you who know Tyler know that he LOVES cars!! Yesterday, I was reminded just how true that is. They had an Easter egg hunt at his preschool and I just knew that Tyler was going to be all over finding as many eggs as possible. After all he is a pretty competitive little guy. WRONG!! He went for about 5 eggs that were in plain sight and then noticed that there was a car that no one was using. So he made a mad dash for the car, put his eggs in the trunk and off he went for a little drive. Thank goodness he has a sweet girlfriend Claire who got some extra eggs for him. That child never ceases to make me smile!!

2 Months Old

2008-03-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

I can not believe that our little girl is already 2 months old. I feel like we just brought her home from the hospital, and yet I also can not remember life before her. She definitely has my heart!! I just feel so blessed to have 2 beautiful, healthy children. God is good all the time! I caught this picture of her getting ready to snooze this morning and another shot of a 1/2 smile.

Snow Day in Texas

2008-03-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

Can you believe that this is what appeared outside of my front window yesterday afternoon?? I think it's crazy that we had a snow day on the 6th of March! As crazy as it may seem, it sure was pretty to look at. Tyler was so excited to watch the snow falling, not so excited about playing in it because he got too cold. There is still a winter wonderland outside today, but it's supposed to be in the 60's this weekend so I'm sure the snow will be melting away soon. That's Texas for ya!!

Pretty in Pink

2008-03-07T09:17:00.001-08:00

Katy has had a bad cold this past week, but has been such a trooper. With her cold and all of this crazy weather I have been keeping her bundled up as much as possible. Part of that process includes sweet little hats. I had to share a picture her in this one!! TOO CUTE!

The Tyler Express

2008-03-07T09:06:00.001-08:00

All aboard!! Tyler had his first big project for preschool last week...or should I say mommy and daddy had their first project for Tyler's preschool last week. It was train week at school and to end the week they had a choo choo parade around the building. So, the project was to build a train for Tyler to wear for the parade. Blake is our resident project man, so I let him construct the train and then Tyler and I decorated it. Tyler was so proud to wear his choo choo to school. So proud in fact that I could not get him to take it off!! So, here he is, the Tyler Express. TOO CUTE!!

Can you say Chipmunk??

2008-02-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

Here is my sweet little girl...yes she is storing away food for the remainder of winter. The child did not have a chance...she was bound to have chubby cheeks with Blake and I as her parents. But, I love her round little face. I haven't been able to catch a pic of her smiling yet, but I will post one as soon as I do.

Watch out World...He's Driving

2008-02-28T09:48:00.000-08:00

So, Tyler got this awesome Hot Wheels F-150 for his birthday and he is loving it. He runs the batteries completely down every day from driving! Blake and I are amazed at how good he really is at driving it. He knows how to reverse and how to get around any obstacles that get in his way. I am embarrased to say he may be a better driver than me. Can't wait till his feet can hit the gas pedal on the lawn mower...get out there and cut the grass son!!

Who will be the Next American Idol??

2008-02-27T09:18:00.000-08:00

Blake and I love American Idol and I am really excited about this season!! Vote on who you think will win this season out of our Top 6!! My personal pick to win this season is David Archuletta. The boy(yes, he is a boy) is SO darn cute, humble and man can he WAIL. His voice is pure and he actually made me cry with his John Lennon performance. I am a bit of a sap Like Paula. We are praying that Daniel Noriega will be leaving very soon. By the way, is he really a guy??

Anyways, let us know you think will win!!

Our Family Blog- FINALLY!!

2008-02-27T08:55:00.000-08:00

Ok...so it has taken me long enough...but, we finally have a family blog. The main purpose of this blog is to keep all of our friends and family updated on what is happening inside the Mullins' household. At the moment, things are seemingly perfect(don't want to jinx it)!! We are part of an amazing church family(Cross Timbers Community Church). It is so awesome to be part of a church that is all about being REAL and encourages dealing with our issues and being part of authentic community. As Blake and I have dealt with some of our issues, we for the first time in our marriage have agreed to and are living on a budget. I can not explain the freedom we have found in that. We are using Dave Ramsey's Cash Envelope system to keep us on track, and I love it. Our kids are beautiful and healthy, and we finally feel settled in our HOME. For those of you who don't know, Blake and I have lived in 5 houses in our 6 years of marriage. We plan to say in this house for the long haul while we raise our children.

Blake has a great new job with Marinas International that he loves. He is the Manager of Silver Lake Marina on Lake Grapevine so he gets to be around people and boats all the time...could there be a more perfect job for him?!?! He loves working on his endless supply of projects in his shop. Right now, he is working on restoring his very first boat.

I am settling in to being a mom of 2 and have to say that it was pretty challenging at first, but I LOVE IT!! Tyler and Katy are so similar in a lot of ways, but also so VERY different. It has been so much fun getting to know little Katy and falling head over heels with her, and also watching my little boy grow up and become an AWESOME big brother. I am also getting back into my running routine and I am setting some pretty big goals for myself for this year. I plan to do a lot of road races this year and run 2 half marathons by next March. I'll keep you updated on the races I am running and if I am keeping up.

Tyler just turned 3 and is enjoying preschool at our church. His teachers tell me that the child has got some moves. They go to chapel once a week and he is always up at the very front singing and dancing his heart out!! At home, he is obsessed with cars, monster trucks, trains and basically anything else that moves!! He's also a lot like daddy in that he is very meticulous about the way he does things. Can you say borderline OCD?? At the moment, the child is convinced that he is Mr. Incredible and that I am Mommy Incredible(don't mind that title at all). And he plays outside every chance he can get.

Katy is pretty much just eating, sleeping and now smiling(so cute). I tell you, the life of a baby is pretty sweet. She is such a good baby, and is actually letting me get some pretty good rest at night. She is growing like a champ...you should see the little rolls on this child's legs. No mistaking that Katy is a healthy little girl.

So, that's a little about our family at the present moment. But with two little ones, things are constantly changing. We'll keep you up to date on the latest and greatest!!